Friday, October 31, 2008


Ahhh. Autumn. Such a beautiful time of year. These days are some that I'm constantly thankful for my eyesight. The beauty of God's creation is everywhere.
Isn't it crazy how a moment in time can shift one's whole day? Not literally -emotionally. I mean to the point where I second guessed myself the rest of the day!
Okay, the background so this is better understood would be appropriate at this time. I had an interview yesterday. A local doctors office needs a front desk person to take and make appointments, file charts, answer the phone, ect. The pay was decent for this area, and when called to come in I was happy to. We went through all the standard questions, then there was a pause. The next question asked of me, shocked me into silence.
"How do you feel about gay people? I am a lesbian, and my life partner and I run this place." If you could see me at this time, surely I had the look on my face of just wittnessing a horrible accident, or crime. Shock yes. (I have been told by several close friends that I shouldn't play poker as I just can't mask my emotions.)
Hopefully I had the look of desperation. Meaning, I was hoping desperately that I would say the right thing and just get out of there. This person continued with, " The rest of the staff is the same way, or they are bi.". Okay here is where I messed up. I said,"excuse me?" meaning surely I heard that wrong. Is this supposed to be asked, why am I here again? Did she say that out loud? What? Huh? Ewww. Just don't EVER touch me. I couldn't say any of these things out loud.. so what physically came out of my mouth was, "excuse me?". She took it as I didn't understand what she meant. To which I got told the vivid picture of what being "bi" means.
Too late. Color is all over my face. I can feel it. My stomach is wretching. I could be sick. I've never been so embarrassed in my whole life.
Now there is silence. I mumbled something about how yes, I am capable of working with a person whose lifestyle is this way. However, I would hope that would be kept out of the office.
It was then explained to me that everyone is very "free" around this office to keep open relationships and how this is the truly healthy way to be. That stress is caused by folks being fenced in to certain beliefs on how sex is to be viewed and experienced.
OKAY. I'm mentally done. I have checked out of this conversation. Now it is just a matter of survival.
She continues on to say that since I come from a church, she wasn't sure if I would be the right candidate. 'You got that right lady' my brain said. Out of my mouth came, " I am sure you will find the right person to fill this position. No, I don't feel I am that person." Something about Jesus loving everyone, forgiveness, and how I can't judge also came out as I got up and readied myself to leave. My mind swirled with Bible verses, but this was just not the right time. It was time to escape. We exchanged pleasantries and I was outta there.
Getting into the car, I just cried out to God. Man! Am I thankful I have a God whom I can talk to whenever, or about whatever! I knew He was in there with me, and I just prayed that I was sorry if I disappointed Him, but I needed to go and just scrub my mind pure. Whew. I was never so glad to be out of a place in my life! The rest of the day I just replayed parts of that conversation in my mind questioning what I could have/should have said. And worse, I wondered about any signals I was giving off, or not that maybe I should have. Uggh.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Learning to Rest

I have a dear friend who has recently survived a head on collision. It is amazing she is alive. I call her my broken friend. She is physically, which means she has to rest.
This is a unknown concept to her. Mind you she has a son in college (out of town), a social butterfly daughter that is a sophmore in highschool, and a fifth grade son.
Her life before consisted of working 40-50 hour weeks, taking her daughter to dance, and every other social event in the surrounding counties, her sons football games, taking time to be involved in their schools, and to serve on several community committees. This wreck has caused her to stop. For 12-18 weeks she will not be allowed to drive. She is dependant on everyone else to get her kids to pick- a- place, and if she needs to go to the doctors, physical therapy, ect. She is wearing a back brace, uses a walker to walk, broken wrist makes that difficult, and a right knee brace. She is going no where fast even when she wants to.
Why is it so hard to rest? Personally, I also find it difficult. But God commands us to "Be still and know I am God". Be still? Most of the time, even when I pray it is while I'm doing something. I do make myself stop completely at least once; find a quiet spot, get on my knees, close my eyes and pray.
Will you be able to find time today to just be still? Take time to reflect on what's really important. God,our families, our relationships. That is what will carry us, and our broken friends through the really tough times.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Appreciation Factor

Most of us at one time or another are caught in a school zone. This is a tense area of town, where folks are desperately trying to get to wherever they are headed and we are all out of time. Tensions flare, and yes; fellow motorists are capable of being ugly. Have you ever held up traffic for a couple extra seconds to let a fellow motorist in front of you, or perhaps through to the other side? Most of the time that person will wave a little "thank you" wave and all is well. One feels good for having done a good deed so early in the morning! Great way to start the day. What about the one that didn't? The one who felt they were entitled, and didn't even acknowledge you?
How about having your hands/arms full of bags of groceries, and someone kindly steps aside to let you through the door, or better yet holds it open for you? Did you tell them "thank you!" ?
How about appreciation at work? Most of us were taught at a young age to say, "please" and "thank you". What happened to using it as an adult? In speaking with several different people in various positions in the business world about what one thing they could change in their jobs; its that they want to be appreciated. What? Nothing about more money? That was way down the list of things they would like to change. Surprised?
We all like to know we have done or are doing our job well. Most of us want to know if we are not, and how to improve. Yes, there are evaluations we all get anxious over, but I'm speaking of the day to day work relationships we develop. We tend to spend more time with our co-workers than our families! Shouldn't there be some "appreciation basics" that we all adapt into our everyday conversations? YES!
Imagine what work would be like for the manager whose employees were thankful for their jobs; and employees who were told often how much their work was appreciated? Genuine appreciation given often reaps huge benefits for everyone in the office.
There have been jobs in the past that I have given my all too. I would still be there today if I truly felt that I had made a difference while in that position. Do you realize that by investing some appreciation in someone (be it your employee or your boss) you are creating job stability, and success of that company? Not to mention the value your customers feel just by being around you and your employees! There are waiting lists at such companies as Google, Microsoft, Pepsi, ect. due to the investment the management places in their employees. People want to come to work, productivity goes up, unemployment goes down; what a concept!
It's working! There are actually people called life coaches that go into businesses and meet with the management to "help" them implement basic office etiquette. They get paid to teach folks how to be polite! Maybe I have found my calling!
Until next time, please take time to show your appreciation to others, it's amazing how it will effect your relationships positively!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Emotions under Pressure

Ever want to scream at someone? I mean act like you are four years old again, and just scream at them! A good scream, a good cry, emotional release. What is that like? Do you ever get fed up having to behave like an adult and stuff those emotions down? But we make the conscious choice to do that. Because if we don't....if it gets serious enough, we could be sued, or spend time in a jail cell . Now I'm not on here today to justify anger, rage - any of that stuff. I'm here to just see if there is anyone else out there that has had a run in with someone well meaning or not this week. Someone who's actions left you just ready to scream! Maybe not at them, maybe just by yourself in a room with the door shut. Did you get to release that negativity? That sting to your emotional well being?
What's interesting is over time you either become really good at convincing yourself that shadow you know is there isn't. This adds to the problem as resentment builds, and the possibility of the eruptions of your innermost being sprayed over others becomes a daily, sometimes hourly choice not to unleash it.
We all have different personalities shaped by our upbringing, religious beliefs, personal experiences, ect. Some folks go into sniper mode, others into depression, and others find strength in God.
I'm sure there is a psychologist out there that can give you his/her answer to you. Then the choice becomes, do I buy into this? Or better yet.. there are the ones that give you medication to keep it away. When in fact.. it just buries it further. Its still there.
There have been times I've physically exhausted myself through exercise, or cleaning.. there have been times I've cried, and cried hard. "Just have a good cry, then you will be all better!"
What happens when you have that good cry? Hmmm? Let's just pretend you have an ideal situation. A quiet time when you don't have to be somewhere, no one is around and you can just bawl. Okay, so you bawl, you cry! Do you feel better? Because the person looking back at me in the mirror doesn't. My face looks like I've had an altercation with an airbag. My eyes are puffy, nose is beat red, blotches are all over my upper torso, and I now sport a whopper of a headache.
Did it help? Maybe momentarily. The release was good, but the price for that is huge also. It didn't change the situation, or even the way I feel.
So, do you find a friend, a confidant, exercise, pray, hide from everyone? So far, I pray, along with lots of other activities.. There are many times I have to pray about it again and again. What do you do to release an excess of disappointment, sadness, or...pick an emotion?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hooked on Adjectives

Okay, I know that sounds terribly geeky. I love adjectives. Why? They have the ability to color our world, and it is up to you.. the author to take the reader in whichever direction you choose. The power of a written word, it can evoke emotions instantaneously. Opposite ends of the grammarical spectrum. OOOH! Big words!
In school grammar was flung upon me like a virus. A literal coldsore that had to be dealt with to pass the grade. Picking out the subject and verb were easy enough, but then you had to get into predicate nomitives and the other toxins of the English language. To top it off you got the priveledge of putting together a paper at the end of the semester.
Somehow I could always put enough fluff into my project to pass. But...beware of the red ink pen!
There is one English teacher in particular that this brings to mind. She could take my "best" papers and make them look as if I soaked the paper in red. Literal murder right there in front of my eyes. Scraping up my fragments of thought I would start over. Each time she returned it, there would be less bloodshed. Finally, I deduced she would in all actuality have a paper she herself wrote, but written in my script. Once I figured out that was all I had to do.. I pumped her for information. It was amazing! I succeeded and passed her class with an A!
Today, I will tip my hat to her for making me take my work up a notch. So, today in honor of her, I will start my first blog.