Loss

Early this morning, we recieved a phone call informing us of a friend of ours that shot and killed himself last night. My mind can't help but return to our last conversation, the last time I saw him. It was mid June, he actually recognized me. I wasn't paying any attention, just trying to get groceries loaded in the car. I saw a guy approaching me, but since I wasn't far from the cart return, I just knew that's where he was going.
Then I heard him call my name. Turning toward him, I looked at a shell of my friend. (Little background..we went to higschool together, were in the same youth group, I went to his wedding, been a part of both baby showers, couple of cookouts,ect. Not somone I chatted with weekly, or even monthly, but still one I would call friend)
Formalities aside, we talked about our families, he was divorced, had married again and had just spent some time in jail. We talked about our upcoming reunion, chatted about some folks we had seen, some we were looking forward to seeing again.
He shared how the only time he felt good was when he drank.
It was a quick conversation, but one that will be burned into my memory for years to come.
I invited him to church, his response was that he couldn't come, the guilt of not living up to his family and God's expectations would be too much.
We shared a goodbye hug. I was burdened for him, and now today,my heart just aches. I ache as his friend, and I ache for his family.