My Ghetto Rental

I dropped off the family car on Monday early morning to be repaired from the semi blown tire damage to the hood and grill. Meaning no vehicle. So.. rental.
First one I was given was a joke. I have never seen something so icky. Icky meaning dirty. Just looking at it from the outside I protested. It had that marker stuff on the front windshield like it does when one gets a car from an auction. The windows were all fingerprinty and there were numerous dents and dings, missing paint ect.
The gal from this rental place is amused with my walking around the car taking pictures while asking are you sure this is my rental?
"Your husband signed off on it." was the snotty reply.
Knowing my sweetheart as I do, and doing a quick inventory of the last few days I knew I didn't do anything to deserve such treatment. However, I was in a rush to get kids to school so I hastily checked the paper to see if indeed my sweeties signature was there. Yes it was.. hmmmph. Next make sure chickie there had notated all the dings and missing paint..
I pointed out some stuff she didn't notate and she says, "If it is two inches or more then I write it down"
"Hmmph, I will not sign this paperwork until these are noted." I insist.
I can feel this womans distain for me and all that is good on this pretty cold Monday morning. I can read the curses for me written all over her face.
" Just sign the paper" she insists, " It is fine".
" umm no its not."
Okay I haven't mentioned that I had son #2 with me did I? He was very interested in what I was going to pick up, and he wanted to be driven to school in style. Son # 1 was dropped off earlier so he missed out on this pleasure of seeing me all torked.
Son #2 is now finding great pleasure in helping me find issues with the car to show the lady. Now that she has two of us making her Monday morning special she stomps her foot and says, "Please it is cold out here".
I toook the clipboard from her (to her pleasure) and made my own notes on the side. Then I initialed off on it. Noting the time on my watch.
She handed me the keys and turned on her heel and marched off.
Ookay... this car had obviously been sitting awhile, as there was dirt and frost and somthing had walked across it in the night. Oh, on the front of this car was a California license plate and on the back in the window was a temp tag. (thats illegal a sympathetic friend pointed out) Great... as I drive this in the getto observation dome that it was... someone would think I purchased this piece of ick! Humble.. humble.. humble.
So, I go over to unlock the door.
Ewww.. ya know how sometimes when you open something the smell just hits ya! Well, guess what? Yeah... add to the ick. Second observation is that the floorboards are dirty and there is trash in the floor.
Out loud I say, "Surely this is not the car I'm supposed to drive".
Son # 2... starts humming, "bah ba bada badda buh budda budda" Okay if your brain hasn't picked on that tume its the theme song to Sanford and Son.
He opens the passenger side door. "Mom its sticky".. now we are laughing.. this is going to be an adventure. We start getting silly wondering if it will backfire when we start it, or will it start?
BTW, getting to school on time is out the window at the moment.
Snicker, snort.. "Look there is something hard and boogery looking on the window, Mom I can't get the back door open. Can I sit up front? Guess what I found? Oh Mom loooooooook!I'm telling Dad this isn't a nice thing to do to us" Son #2 spouts from the other side of the car. Its true the two back doors will not open. Hee hee. Go figure.
Yes, I'm laughing. What else can I do? I stick the key in the ignition. To the cars defense it starts. While we are waiting on the windshield booger blast to melt off we check out the rest of the car. Doors open now so that it will air out. (the back doors took some work, but we got them open. The big trash I put in a walmart bag to show to chickies boss later. Where did I get the bag? I found one.. it had blown into the chain link fence almost two totaled cars down. Closing the doors using the handles from the inside was like getting pranked..ya know with the jelly stuff?
The stearing wheel had obviously been used by someone who didn't wash their hands. Ick..
We put the car in drive. Ha! carefully I made my way out of the parking lot and to the closest car wash. I splurged and got the package. It would at least look better on the outside. Then I purchased some roach bombs and set those off.. just joking. I did get an air freshner and about made us choke on the fumes.
In this scarey but outwardly clean car we made our way to school.
"Mom just drop me off quick".
"No problem son, I dont want anyone identifying me in this either!"
I dropped Brian off so quick I'm sure I voilated some school speed rule.
I drove home, prayed the neighbors weren't looking and parked it in the garage.
This is where the serious work started.I vacuumed out that puppy, Lysol'd the stearing wheel and door handles. Then I scrubbed it down. Oh yes. If I was going to drive this ick, it would at least be clean.
Now, proudly I had a clean previously slimed used rental car.
To finish this story properly, I need to let you in on the fact that chickies boss was talked to about the car, sweetheart did this for me as he knew.. he KNEW I would have a field day in that man's office and possibly free rentals!
Sweetheart did good and so did the manager. Sweetie came back to me with a 2009 Nissan Maxima. Good job.
This car was clean..smelled good.. go figure.
Moral to this story? Make the best of what you are given, take notes, don't sign until you are satisfied, and don't let folks get away with slacking off at their job.
Oh and keep a can of Clorox wipes handy you never know when you might get into an icky situation!